Since you are reading this, I assume you expect me to rant on about myself for a while. I was never widely accepted in school till I came on here. I guess people started reading my story, and they kind of got to know me and started to accept me.

My full name is Arlene Tavarez. I am better known as Lily. This nickname was given to me for I dont know what reason by my family. I prefer Lily better than anything else. I was born on September 20 1994 in Paterson NJ. I spent most of my childhood in New Jersey, but my family decided to move out away from the “violence” going on in my town at the time. Thats when we moved to PA.

My childhood was not bad at all. We were pretty wealthy. My father being a business man, and my mother working in the medical field we were quite well. No I did not enjoy it, because we were not spoiled how wealthier kids were usually spoiled. We were spoiled by things we needed, such as clothing and food. My mother growing up in a poor family in the Dominican Republic didn’t believe in handing us everything we wanted.

The summer of 2008. A guy beat the living hell out of me because I refused to have sex with him. Right after, I had my first set of anxiety attacks. That same summer I started cutting my wrist. That led to me having to wear sweaters, so I began cutting my abdomen and my thighs. 

At the end of the summer I attempted suicide. I was soon diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder. My problems did not end there. I became nervous, lost, and depressed. I slept for over 24 hours when possible and was diagnosed with Hypersomnia. 

In the summer of 2010, I reconnected with my friend Michael (Meet Michael). I soon became obsessively attached. I couldn’t sleep if he didn’t text me, and I still walk around with a vanilla bag he gave me. I was constantly afraid that he was hurt or gone when I didn’t see him, and suffered major panic attacks from this. 

After noticing my constant change of friendships, self-harm, daily panic attacks (5-10 in one day) and my fear of losing Michael I was diagnosed with BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I came on tumblr and felt OKAY to talk about my problems for the first time in my life. No one knew what I was really going through. After coming out and speaking about this, I found out there is people like me in this world, and I am not alone.

People love tumblr for all the wrong reasons. Yes its quite fun and its so damn entertaining. But this “blogging” has made me more open to someone helping me. It gave me the first step to pushing myself from this dark period. I love tumblr because its my second home, and I owe all the people who stayed talking to me for hours during my time of need.

Now, I am Lily. I found myself. I am happy, and I haven’t harmed myself in so long I can’t even remember. I know its been more than 5 months  I am learning how to control my emotions. And honestly, my BPD is still there, I just learned how to control it also. I found what makes me happy, and what calms me down.

I have crazy idea’s that I know one day will take me somewhere. I determined to be successful in any way possible. I know one day all this hard work and stress will pay off, and I will make people proud.

I am Lily. I am quite sweet. I like to laugh and smile. I put my past behind me and I smile for the future. I am excited to start to live and explore the better things in life. I’ve learned so much. I love the simple things. I love learning about new cultures and meeting new people. I love to love, and I love to give. I love kisses, and I wish I can cuddle every second in life. I think  personality makes everyone beautiful in every way possible. Yes I still hurt easily, but I forget and continue to love. 

I am Lily. I am happy with the way everything happened in my life. Everything happens for a reason. And all those reasons made me who I am today.

:) talk to me, I do not bite. Did I mention I love animals :3 and cats. and food. and I like you . 

updated jan 29 2012